Good morning. Tonight, the Kansas City Chiefs and Philadelphia Eagles will play for Super Bowl LIX. Whether you're living and dying by every snap or simply view the game as background noise for an exhibition in Buffalo chicken dip, this annual spectacle of music and mustachioed men is best enjoyed with a good drink in your hand. To help with that, we built a cocktail menu (with NA options) inspired by the game's most central characters. Presenting our first ever Drinkable Super Bowl Preview:
Barkley, Saquon
Philadelphia's best player. A really nice guy disguised as an unstoppable force with unbreakable will. Runs through, around, and over gigantic humans—sometimes without looking at them. Has redwoods for legs. Feet are jet packs. It's a blend of power and finesse you can only find in this bourbon punch.
Brady, Tom
The greatest avocado ice-cream influencer of all time will announce this year's Super Bowl—a game he's won more times than any NFL player, ever. He'll also, per my intuition, will close the telecast by sipping multiple non-alcoholic raspberry mojitos.
Kelce, Travis
Bearded Ohio man that attended multiple Eras Tour shows. Catches passes for the Kansas City Chiefs. Owns one gazillion NFL records, podcasting equipment, and a beer company. He's cliche, yet refreshing—much like Jeffrey Morgenthaler's Grapefruit Radler.
Lamar, Kendrick
Seven days after winning five Grammys (bringing his career total to 13), the California native headlines the year's most watched live music performance. This is greatness entering its prime. This is a mid-winter margarita.
Mahomes, Patrick
Tom Brady's heir apparent in that he's a) the league's best quarterback and b) liable to snatch—and subsequently incinerate—his opponents' soul. Another thing worth pointing out about the Chiefs' QB: He wears the same turtleneck as that guy from Dunkirk—a shirt I'd don if I ever came face to face with John deBary's Mulled Vodka Martinez.
Reid, Andy
Kansas City's head coach is the fully realized answer to the incredibly niche hypothetical: What if Dr. Robotnik chased Super Bowl Rings instead of hedgehogs? He's also a known milkshake enthusiast. Since the latter fact's a tad easier to pull from, I've landed on the following beverage: Emma Laperruque's Malted Black & White Milkshake.
Swift, Taylor
For this information, please refer to People.com.
